is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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