Moan for me like Helen Keller
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
