My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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