Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
