it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
