I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
