the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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