Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
even my farts smell like vagina
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
