I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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