my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
