Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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