if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
