I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
