u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
