I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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