He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm both gender and math confused
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
