He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
