i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
