I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
