I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize