Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
