There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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