she was so not down for the gang bang
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
