The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize