They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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