the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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