i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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