You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
