Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's an acceptable place to lick
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
