How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
