Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
