i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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