He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
