you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
