i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
