i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
