its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize