I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
