Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
