It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize