you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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