Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
