I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
