It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
