did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
