oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
