im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
