Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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