Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
