that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
