i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
