Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
