Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
