Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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