I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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