Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
