there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
