4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
