I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
