Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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