i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
