tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
