Your mouth is God's brothel.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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